I had my first test today. Yes, over a month into school is a little late but I’m not complaining. I did well, I had to have done well. I always have to remind myself that I have been blessed so far with this semester. I have not had any really nightmarish professors and the work load is on the much lighter side. Some of my roommates are in every night doing work. I on the other hand can go out practically every night of the week if I want. Once again, not complaining.

As cheesy as it sounds, I have really learned a lot about myself since getting here. I’ve really come to see the guard that I hold up from people. There is always this feeling that I need to hold back. I don’t know what it is or why it is, but it is. I’m working on it, I’m trying. I know it can’t be an excuse for my behavior. I know that I’m responsible for my actions. There are just some things I am to weak for. Emotions and feelings and responsibilities that I can not handle.

I’m going home tomorrow. It’s like this weird, intense build up of emotions. My family is really excited to see me, I think my friends are excited to see me. I’m just excited to be home. It sounds pathetic but there is odd sense of attachment to Long Island. Something about it, there really just is no place quiet like it. I’m also nervous, my family is really holding me on this pedestal in regards to my trip home. I don’t want to disappoint them, the positive attention that I have been receiving is substantial and I don’t want my physical presence to ruin it. I’ve been saying jokingly that my parents haven’t been this excited to see me since the day I was born but in some ways, I find some truth in it.

Going out every night and always being surrounded by people day in and day out has been an interesting shift. Sometimes I do catch myself feeling lonely but that is a feeling that I have found inevitable to avoid no matter what situation I find myself in.

I’m happy, I think I’m happy, I know I’m happy.