I had written something last night that I never got around to posting. However, after the day I have had so far, I’ve discarded it. Every day is a new opportunity to make changes. Yesterday is the past and although those choices and experiences can not be altered, I need to keep the mindset that I have the power to change the present. Negativity can be prevented.

I will take fault and full responsibility for the situation I put myself in last night. It was not something that needed to occur. Even going into it, I could not see any good resulting. I did gain something though, closure and another lesson learned from my growing list of mistakes. I don’t mind my poor judgement for the most part. I wouldn’t be who I am without my stories, my ever changing values, my personality or the lessons that I learn. What is life anyway without some risk and excitement?

Today has been a better day which has helped me see the postive. Productive days always lead me to be in a better mood. I thrive when my day is filled with tasks and activities. I woke up early, went to the gym, then a dentist appointment (no cavities!), hungout with Julia and now I’m going back to the gym.

I had an unsuccessful appointment tonight at the Apple store followed by a successful one at Verizon. They mailed me out a new phone today, free of charge. Only I would have an indestructable case and still manage to damage my phone.

I’ve been putting everything I have into my workouts. I’m starting strong with my effort and keeping it going. When it comes to obtaining goals and succeeding at things I am serious about, I put everything I have into it. The motivation and determination I am feeling at this point is consuming me. The only thing capable of stopping me is myself. I’m living by this, “you’ve got what it takes, but it will take everything you’ve got.” It’s simple, when you leave everything behind at the gym not only do the obvious long term effects come but so do the often overlooked short term effects.

My first semester grades were posted today. It was gratifying to see a positive outcome come from my hard work. My GPA is a 3.47 which is very close to what my stretch goal was, over a 3.5. I have something to work from now and I plan on working in an upward trend. I told my mom and her reaction, like I had imagined lacked geniuine emotion.. It sounds pathetic and maybe I’m delusional but I just want my parents to be proud of me. I’m proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish.

I’m learning to laugh at all the awkward and uncomfortable situations I am put in on a daily basis. Just another ghost of my past decided to make a guest appearance. We chilled in Eric’s room tonight, and cout of nowhere while we were there, he showed up. I mean and then after whatever happened between us, you can act like everything is normal. So bizarre I can’t even handle it.

I’m meeting my Grandma for lunch tomorrow. It’s a little random considering she called me at 9 tonight to ask me if I wanted to meet her tomorrow. Since when does she call me on my cell phone? I won’t look into it to much though.

I had my first test today. Yes, over a month into school is a little late but I’m not complaining. I did well, I had to have done well. I always have to remind myself that I have been blessed so far with this semester. I have not had any really nightmarish professors and the work load is on the much lighter side. Some of my roommates are in every night doing work. I on the other hand can go out practically every night of the week if I want. Once again, not complaining.

As cheesy as it sounds, I have really learned a lot about myself since getting here. I’ve really come to see the guard that I hold up from people. There is always this feeling that I need to hold back. I don’t know what it is or why it is, but it is. I’m working on it, I’m trying. I know it can’t be an excuse for my behavior. I know that I’m responsible for my actions. There are just some things I am to weak for. Emotions and feelings and responsibilities that I can not handle.

I’m going home tomorrow. It’s like this weird, intense build up of emotions. My family is really excited to see me, I think my friends are excited to see me. I’m just excited to be home. It sounds pathetic but there is odd sense of attachment to Long Island. Something about it, there really just is no place quiet like it. I’m also nervous, my family is really holding me on this pedestal in regards to my trip home. I don’t want to disappoint them, the positive attention that I have been receiving is substantial and I don’t want my physical presence to ruin it. I’ve been saying jokingly that my parents haven’t been this excited to see me since the day I was born but in some ways, I find some truth in it.

Going out every night and always being surrounded by people day in and day out has been an interesting shift. Sometimes I do catch myself feeling lonely but that is a feeling that I have found inevitable to avoid no matter what situation I find myself in.

I’m happy, I think I’m happy, I know I’m happy.

Ugh there are so many things I need to do before I leave. I want to get out of here but I don’t want to actually go through the process of leaving (packing, saying goodbye, etc.). I want to snap my fingers and just be there. I want to be settled down, going through my daily schedule. Unfortunately life does not work like that.
I met with a nutritionist last week. My biggest fear about going away is my health. I honestly don’t want to slip into the stereotypical unhealthy college lifestyle. For the most part, besides a few bumps in the road I have eaten healthy, exercised daily and drank minimally. She was a doll though and I did not expect her to be as helpful as she is planning on being. Next week I am meeting with her three times and she’s breaking down each meeting into a different group of topics. She’s really willing to help me through the college process and help me lead a healthy life that fits to me personally. If anyone in the 516 needs a nutritionist/dietitian let me know.
Depending on how much time I have I’m thinking of starting a blog aimed at staying healthy while in school. I kind of want to document the new changes. Just a thought.